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The Unofficial Guide to Millennial Divorce

Being in the middle of a divorce myself, I've recently had a lot of friends reach out and confide that they're either considering a divorce or in the beginning stages of separation. I recognized a lot of the fears and worries I hear from them as fears and worries of my own from a year ago, when I reached out to a friend who had gone through it and confided in her. And while I am far from an expert, I thought maybe a blog post on the subject would maybe at least make others feel a little less lonely on their divorce journey. If you're happily married, this isn't the blog post you're gonna want to read. Seriously. We're all happy for you,'re gonna want to turn back now.

You're Not a Failure Because of a Failed Marriage

Oh. My. God. Let's start here, because if I see one more sickeningly condescending Facebook post about how "marriage worked in our grandparents' day because they fixed broken things instead of throwing them out" I'm going to Hulk smash my freaking phone. That's awesome and all, but maybe not everyone is a master carpenter or Ms. Fucking Fixit, and they just end up with a house full of unusable junk. Marriages "worked" 70 years ago because women were property, dude. What's she gonna do if she's unhappy, go get a job and support herself?

El oh el.

Look, we're all just human, going through life on a pretty strict trial and error basis. Things aren't going to work out perfectly every single time we take on a lifelong commitment. Shocker, right? And maybe you're the exception and found the 1 person out of a planet stuffed with billions that is meant for you (or 1 out of billions that you can tolerate, which sounds less romantic but more feasible) and you're in it until death do you part. If so, that's awesome. Way to go, enjoy your relationship, be happy by all means, but shut the sanctimonious fuck up about how "marriage is hard work but we toil in the matrimony fields gladly." Maybe some of us are looking for a life that...I don't know, doesn't feel so much like work?

People Are Gonna Talk

Oh boy, are people gonna talk. Even if you vow to maintain a strict code of dignity and demure coyness when confronted by errant gossip, people will make up their own shitty narrative and pass it around like patient zero at a chicken pox party. Be prepared to find out who your friends are, and who in your life is just a toxic idiot with no self control.